Why did I self publish?

Those close to me know that ever since I leaned to compose my first complete sentence, writing has been a passion of mine. At that time, and experience level in my life, most of mine stories was about whatever stray dog was dumped at our house that day or that week or to aggravate my older, teenage, sisters by writing stories about them getting a pimple.

As writing, and reading, became a very important part of every day of my waking hours, the goal of having my words in print, either formatted in a hard cove or paperback format was a dream of mine.  I began to submit my unedited, manuscripts and query letters to any and every publishing house that I could think of.  To which, the only type if replies that I would receive were rejection letters. 

Decades later, I received my first acceptance letter for the Prayers of Motherhood manuscript.  To say that I was excited would be an understatement.  Having been taught to read the small print before you sign on the dotted line, I began reading the contract; I had studied to be a Paralegal.  I found the, smoking, small print of the very last page where it stated that in order for them to start the publishing process on my book, they will need close to $4,000 for the PR and Marketing cost.  At the time I was an unemployed, single mother.  I did not have $4,000 and was not willing to put my self or allow my family go in debt, so that I could have my first book published.

Homeward Bound

The following days after giving birth felt like, literally, riding an emotional roller coaster.  As the Estrogen and Endorphins began to battle against each other to see which one would reach its normal level first. Leaving me feeling confused, emotional, and exhausted.  Needing some sort of clarity, I said a silent prayer:

"Lord, I am feeling some kind of way right now.  A way that I have never felt before.  Are these normal post system of child birth?  Oh Lord, I cannot stand feeling this way."

Because I began running a fever, and my son was having trouble breathing, we stayed in the hospital for a week before we were released.  As a hospital orderly pushed me to my sister's waiting car, I said a silent prayer:

"Lord,"
"Yes, Rachel."
"What are they thinking releasing this innocent infant into my care?"
"You will be fine Rachel."
"But, I do not know anything about taking care of an infant."
"Recall how you have helped your sisters raise their children."
"But, they went home in thirty minutes to an hour later."
"You learned more than you think."
"I understand Lord but I will be responsible for him 24/7 365 day a year."
"I will be there each second to help you."
"Thank you, Lord."

     As I cautiously maneuvered myself into the back seat of my sister's car I unknowingly placed my arm around my son for the short ride home.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!

You can now purchase the entire Prayers of Motherhood series on Amazon or Kindle.

Hey Guys! Sorry for the lapse in posts but I have been creating a backlog of drafts and working on a special project; which will be revealed in the next couple of weeks.  So stay tuned.

Love you guys,  My sisters and brothers in Christ.

A Question Prayer

Dear God;

Let thy will be done.

As you know we had on election for the next President of the United States.  We both know who I voted for but when it is all said and done the candidate that you have pre-chosen won in the end.  So that all events will occur before your son Jesus Christ will return.  Knowing and  fully believing in this I need to ask you a few questions about the current state of this world.

One of the candidates said that they will send a group of people, who they categorized as minorities, back to their birth countries.  Lord, do they not know that you created everyone and everything on this earth?

If they were successful in returning minorities to their earthly homeland who will spend money in the stores to help contribute to the economy?

Lord, do they not know, or accept and acknowledge, that you are King ?  That you created everything and everyone and while they may make promises about what they will be able to do, once and if, they are elected you are a God whose promises never changes.

Although they want to seat on the throne of President of the United States, You will forever sit on the Heavenly throne.
 

A Child of God response to the election results.

Okay we know that Donald Trump will be the next President of the United States of America.

  This morning when I googled the election the first words out of my mouth was: "To God be Glory."  Meaning that I believe that God's will was done. 

What did I do next?  Wake my son up to get ready for school and then went on with my morning.

Why?

 I am fifty two years old and have been through several elections.  Some of the candidates I voted for won and some lost.  After each of these elections my bills still needed to be paid, I was still responsible for clothing, maintaining a roof over my son and my heads, and feeding the both of us; Through the glory of God.

What will I do tomorrow?

Wake up, help my son get ready for school, pray, and go on with my life.

In case you were wondering I am an African American child of God.

Prayers of Motherhood: Lord, I'm a Mother

Eight and a half months into my pregnancy, during my weekly OBGYN appointment, the nurse abruptly excused herself from the exam room.  A few moments later she came back in with the doctor.  The doctor immediately placed her stethoscope on my stomach and a few minutes later told me that they need to admit me to the hospital because they could not hear any amniotic fluid around the baby. 

The doctor's office was on the top floor of the hospital.  So, before I was calling my sister to bring my over night bag that I had pre packed, signing admitting papers, disrobed, hooked up to an IV, and they had induced my labor.  All in the matter of two hours. 

With the rush of my morning, and the unknown about giving birth for the first time, I had a difficult time relaxing.  To help me relax they decided to give me an epidural.  Thank God for the person who invented it!

From 1:00pm until 8:00am the next morning my labor was pretty uneventful.  Then at 8:15 the next morning the baby's heart monitor begin to alarm at the same time my blood pressure began to rise and I began running a fever as the baby heart rate slowed down.  The next thing I knew I was on a gurney being rushed to the OR for an emergency C-section.  At exactly 8:39am the doctor was holding up a five pound baby boy for me to see for the first time.

Prayers of Motherhood: Hugging the Pocerlain Throne

I have always had a love affair with food.  Especially if it falls in the Junk category.  Also, fast food and heavily processed food was easy to prepare and convenient.  To sit down after a long day work and enjoy a good meal was a wonderful end to any day.  So, when morning sickness  hit me like a brick to say that it through me for a loop would be an understatement.

The first change in my diet was craving foods that would have caused me to gag in the past.  One of my mom's favorite deserts was a sponge cake cup filled with cottage cheese topped with strawberries.  My least favorite ingredient on this desert is cottage cheese.  Now I was craving the same food.

But the one change that really affected me was when the smell of poultry and other meats begin to cause me to gag or run into the bathroom to hug the porcelain throne.  Being unable to tolerate the smell of food and some taste of food I became worried that me or my child was not getting the same nutrition I prayed.

"Lord, is this a joke.  You know how much I enjoy eating a good meal but now I enjoy it for a few minutes before I have to go and hug the porcelain throne.  Also, I do not understand why it is called morning sickness because I am sick at any time of the day.  Because of this I am beginning to worry about both my and my baby's health and nutrition.  You know how much nourishment we need please help me to be able to keep down enough food down for both me and the baby.  I pray this in Jesus name Amen.

As my pregnancy progressed I learned to adjust my diet to include food that did not upset my stomach.  I even came to began to enjoy other foods such as cottage cheese.